When listening occurs, true knowledge is gained. The listener gains insight from the speaker and as they partake in the speakers' experience, deep understanding can occur. To be a good learner, one must be a good listener. To be a good listener, we must approach the speaker with a humble attitude, reconciled to acknowledge that the person has something to teach. The objective does not require us to agree with the speaker but simply to understand where they are coming from. At the heart of every conflict, there is a person who is wanting to be heard, wanting to be understood and wanting to be loved.
Listening Habits to Avoid*
- Disengaging - distracted by the environment
- Reassuring - not allowing negative emotions
- Giving Advice - providing solutions instead of empathizing
- Tangents - taking over the conversation with our own example
- Interrupting - failing to let the speaker finish
5 Steps for Reflective Listening*
- Put yourself in the speaker's shoes - maintain eye contact, do not be afraid of silence, be patient
- Acknowledge what has been said - repeat it back
- Find out what is most important - clarify
- Help the speaker work out what needs to be done - ask "What would make things better? "
- Ask if the speaker has said everything they want to share - provide the opportunity to share further
*themarriagecourse.org